Meet My Daughter, Sara, the author of a new blog “Relax, It’s all Write.”
I know you will like her.
I am sharing her recent post.
At the end, I am sharing my “Response to Sara.”
“Every Wrinkle Came From A Smile” – Aging, With Grace
Every day, I see these beautiful young women on television, destroying their natural beauty. They get fillers, implants, nips, tucks, stretching and smoothing.
When I look at their “before”, I am in awe of their natural beauty. When I look at them “after”, I see a strange face and a false body…a facade…a severe lack of self-confidence.
They were already beautiful, so why did they feel the need to “improve”?
Society? Demons from their past? Those kids in school who made fun of their big nose? …aka. BULLIES!!
Even though they’ve grown into that big nose, the hurt of those kid’s comments stuck with them for life.
Their reflection comes by way of a broken mirror, a distorted version of what they truly look like.
And they think, “All I need is a nose job, and I’ll finally be confident in myself!”
Then, once the nose job is done, so follows the breast implants, tummy tuck, lip fillers, cheek implants, botox…
It’s never enough
Why can’t they understand that they are beautiful, regardless of who bullied them in the past, or that they don’t look exactly like some celebrity they admire?
SPOILER ALERT!! – Those celebrities are ALWAYS photo shopped. And, when they’re in person, they had a team of stylists, makeup artists, not to mention cinching undergarments, and other tricks to make them appear “perfect”.
NOT REALITY
Trying to aspire to a false reality will never bring you happiness…never.
To be fair, there are certain circumstances that may require a little assistance to get things in order, but that’s not who I am referring to.
I commend those celebrities who chose to Age with Grace. Embrace their wrinkles and wear them with pride!
Emma Thompson immediately comes to mind. She is stunning. Her face speaks of a rich history, and her confidence is evident.
My mom is not a celebrity, but she is my prime example of Aging with Grace. She is undeniably gorgeous! Everyone I know has commented, at one time or another.
She once told me that she loves the lines in her face, because every one started out as a smile.
That stuck with me
Sure, I have my own insecurities, parts of my body I wish were smaller, tighter. I’m nearly 40, and my face is beginning to change. But, I will never alter it.
It is my face. It has seen me through the good and the bad.
The skin around my eyes scrunches when I smile. I’m sure wrinkles are soon to follow, but I will embrace them, for they are authentically me.
I like me.
I’m not perfect, but who is?!
A plastic version of one’s self is nothing more than a mask. Why are you hiding? Surely, surgery won’t resolve what troubles you so.
There are other avenues, ones that target the REAL reason for your lack of self-esteem, your insatiable need for “perfection”.
I encourage you, reach out and find another solution, one that will bring you true resolve.
Creating a mask won’t fix the underlying issues.
You need to go much deeper than where a scalpel can reach.
My Response to Sara
Reading Sara’s post late last night, tears brimming
Tell Me I Did Okay
The clothes on the floor.
The OMG moments.
Did I go wrong? Did I do right?
Tell me I did okay.
I do not know.
I lead by example. I lead by mistakes.
I am not perfect. I try my best.
Tell me I did okay.
Let them live their own life.
Let them make mistakes.
I know they can do it.
Step away.
Will I be okay?
Did I go wrong? Did I do right?
I am not perfect. I try my best.
I am proud of my daughters.
I know today.
I Did Okay.
You can find out more about Sara and her blog “Relax, It’s all Write” here:
“Why I Decided to Blog” https://relaxitsallwrite.wordpress.com/2020/09/11/why-i-decided-to-blog/?wref=tp
“Who am I?” https://relaxitsallwrite.wordpress.com/about/
Have your children surprised you as adults?
What advice would you give to a new Mother?
Behind the Scenery 
nice
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Thank you. 🙂
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HELLO, ERICA HOW ARE YOU DOING OVER THERE TODAY?
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What a beautiful post your daughter wrote .. I found myself nodding in agreement. Absolutely beauty comes within, but I think for many women, especially very beautiful ones, they are unable to accept their new reality of the wrinkles and all the things that come with ageing. Part of it is vanity and another part of it is our society and culture that puts youth and beauty on an unattainable pedestal. For me, I feel it is a great priviledge to grow older, one that we do not all have the pleasure of. I have never done botox or had any kind of “work” done… and the amazing thing is that I only have one other friend that can say the same. I recently cut off the brown hair and allowed my natural color to show through, all the grey and silver streaks and this move made me face the reality of ageing and the impact of appearance and accept it.
I love how your daughter looks up to you. And what a clearly wonderful role model you are and have been for her. This speaks volumes.
My sons make me proud for the adults they have become and despite the things I might have done wrong as a parent they all grew up to be incredible adults.
Peta
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Wonderful to hear from you, Peta! I am delayed responding since we have just returned from a mini get away for our Anniversary.
You are right, how the concept of beauty and ageing is multi-layered. Society, culture, personal reasons. I know many, many people (men and women) who have had “work” done. You made me think about your comment, how sometimes it is the very beautiful ones who have more issues with ageing. I have also seen this. I see the “it is never good enough” syndrome.
You look gorgeous, Peta, with your short, attractive hair. You radiate health and happiness, beautiful qualities. I look forward to catching up on your life. I see a recent post in my inbox. 💕
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I am happy this post resonated with you, Peta. Yes, I look up to her, more than she probably knows. And, I don’t think there is necessarily “wrong” when it comes to parenting. Learning experiences…trial and error? All we can do is our best. I appreciate you taking the time to read my post and reply 🙂
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You did way more than ok. Way more. And we could write about the surgery that women flock to in order to try and hide the signs of age. I volunteer with the elephants at our local zoo. They have much to teach about the grace of sagging, wrinkly skin in big bodies. With really big noses and ears! And they are gorgeous. Stunning in being exactly who and what they are. No apologies.
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Nice to meet you, Josaia! I have subscribed to your site and I have left a comment there.
It is interesting how you mention elephants here. My daughter, Sara, has liked elephants (and many other animals) throughout her life. I love how you describe the beauty of elephants and how they are still gorgeous, even stunning. You must have fascinating stories to share about your volunteer work. Thank you for your thoughtful comment. Welcome to the blogging community! 🙂 Erica
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Thank you, Erica! It’s nice to meet you!
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Hi, Josaia! I loved your relation to elephants. Beautiful creatures, inside and out. Thank you for the kind comments 🙂
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❤️
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Even before i start reading this, must thank you for the big smile the title brought on my face
My mother told me a few days ago to start a new practice . of smiling as soon as i wake up . She says it is very therapeutic . and right now i can see why
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Thank you for your thoughtful comment, Ananda. I now have another wrinkle, a smile line.😊 Erica
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Well, that’s just beautiful, and something everyone should try. Your mother is quite wise 🙂 Thank you for your kind words about the title. Wish I could take credit, but I’m okay with giving my Mom the nod on that one 🙂
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This was a lovely read and your daughter is so right. It’s so funny how so many women aspire to look like another woman, aspire to have a certain body, certain face and wearing certain clothes. Physically changing the way one looks just because you are unhappy with how you look can be so dangerous – once you start, you might not be able to stop. The second last photo of the doll actually looks creepy to me 😂
When I was younger I wanted a bigger chest and am so thankful I never went through with it. My body is as beautiful as it is and feeding it well and moving it is the best way I can take care of it. I have greys yet am not worrying too much about it at all since it is a natural part of the aging process. The more women turn away from ‘perfection’, the more content we will be.
Hope you are doing well, Erica. Stay safe 🙂
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Hi Mabel, Thank you for your insightful and thoughtful comment. You make great points about how we often change our viewpoints and perception with each passing decade. I was much more concerned with my weight and appearance when I was younger. Like you say, nutrition and exercise makes a huge difference in staying healthy and in our appearance. I am with you on the creepy doll. 🤣 I hope you are staying well. It was really nice to hear from you! 💕
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So agree nutrition and exercise makes a huge difference, especially to how we feel. I find when I eat a balanced diet and exercise regularly, I feel so much better. It is always lovely to see you around, Erica. Stay safe 🙂
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I loved your last line, Mabel, “The more women turn away from ‘perfection’, the more content we will be.” You perfectly summed up my post in one sentence. Also, I agree about the doll…CREEPY!! But, some actually aspire to look like that. Hard to wrap my brain around it. Thank you for your kind comments 🙂
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Such a wonderful post, Erica! It sounds as though you imparted much wisdom to your daughter. I loved Sara’s post. I wish that aging gracefully was more of our society’s norm. And I love your wise words about how each line on your face started as a smile. Beautiful words from both of you, from start to finish. The words that I’d offer a new mother would be, Don’t be so hard on yourself. Rome wasn’t built in a day and neither are your children. They are listening, watching, and learning. It takes time to see the fruits of your hard work and love.
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Thank you for your kind, supported comment Amy. You are still at the younger ages with your children and I know they often make you proud. I love your words, “they are listening, watching and learning.” In retrospect, it was definitely more our examples versus the words. I think most parents have sleepless nights along the way and it is nice to see the “fruits” of our love. Hope you and loved ones are well. Take care, Amy. ❤️
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Absolutely, Amy! “Don’t be so hard on yourself”…perfect message. I’m pleased you enjoyed the post!
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You are right, Sara. Amy is a wise soul, in a young beautiful package.❤️
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What a thoughtful piece Sara has written and shared! It makes me think of Carole King’s song, “Natural Woman” — words that I took to heart back in the 70s. I have never had elective plastic surgery or any other appearance-enhancing procedure (Botox, liposuction, etc.), although I would consider it if related to a medical condition. I’ve never coloured my hair and I don’t own makeup. (I did try hair perms a few times and was not pleased with the result.) That is not to say I feel entirely happy with the appearance of my stretch marks or expanding middle. But it is my own personal rebellion against societal pressure to look like a Barbie doll clone, and my own acceptance that aging is a natural process that we all experience.
Erica, you put your finger on something that I think every parent wonders — did I do okay? Like you, I am so proud of my three wonderful (adult) children. They are thriving, because of, or in spite of the parenting they received.
Jude
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Wow, Carole King. A flashback of my 70’s, too. I also think Broadway did a Carole King show recently. Sara and I realize a bit of tweaking is fine, and many medical reasons for procedures. It is more when it is never good enough and possibly dangerous on many levels. Yes, the did I do okay really hit me when I read Sara’s post. A flashback of a few stressful times and concerns. We all have these moments. I know you often speak lovingly of your children, Jude. Your phrase, “in spite of the parenting they received” made me smile.
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Hello, Jude 🙂 I found your response quite interesting…although I “preach” being happy with yourself, exactly the way you are, I do color my hair and wear makeup. Societal influence is stronger than one might assume. And when it comes to children, truth is, parenting only goes so far. There are so many other factors involved. Children will end up making their own decisions, and although you might disagree, they didn’t necessarily come to those conclusions because of their upbringing. No blame to the parents. It’s a live and learn philosophy. The main thing is unconditional support from the parents, despite their kids “mistakes”. Thank you for your enlightening comments 🙂
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some only gets better with time just like fine wine…
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