I Was Tempted To Lie To My Husband

Anniversary, Blogging, Creative non-fiction, Creativity, Family, Friends, Gratitude, Happiness, Love, Marriage, New Zealand, photography, Relationships, Wedding Ring, White Lies 4 Minutes
Aukland Zoo, New Zealand

 

Not a good thing.

Especially two weeks before our wedding anniversary.

Is there ever a good time to lie?

It is actually an act of omission.  Something I did not want to tell him.

Is this still considered a lie?

 

It Started Last Sunday

I had booked a massage.  A real treat.

Before the massage, I took off my wedding ring and I placed it in my wallet. 

An hour of bliss followed. 

On the way home I stopped at Discovery Coffee to buy coffee beans.  They have the best coffee in Victoria and it is worth the drive to pick up the beans.

                       A perfect end to my week.              

Frenchman Lake, Yukon, 2011

Monday Morning   

I realized I was not wearing my wedding ring.

I was quite certain I had placed it in my wallet. 

I checked my wallet. No luck. 

I did have spa brain yesterday, so I might be wrong.

I completely emptied my purse.  No luck.

I phoned the Spa to see whether anyone had turned in a wedding ring, a simple gold band.  Nothing.  

I phoned Discovery Coffee.  They checked the back desk where lost and found items are placed.  Nada.    

 

Darn.  I Feel Sick To My Stomach.

It is just a ring.  A material object. 

I am actually surprised I haven’t lost it before now. 

I take it off before every yoga class, sometimes placing it on the towel next to me.  I used to take it off before running when I used to run.  My fingers swell and I am not in the mood to have anything cut off.

It is only a physical item.  It is not as if anything serious has happened, especially to anyone I love.

Physical items can be replaced.

Then why do I feel sick to my stomach?

 

Plenty of Fish circa 1976
Plenty of Fish circa 1976

Forty-one Years Ago

This ring was given to me as a symbol of commitment and a promise we made to each other.

Forty-one years ago it was a shiny, simple, smooth gold band.

Forty-one years later this ring shows some wear and tear.  Not unlike all marriages.

            This ring means even more to me now.

It represents a friendship and a life we have built together.

It is symbolic of our enduring love for each other.

 

Riding through life together
Love is a gamble
Do couples start to look alike?
Gratitude

I Do Not Want To Tell My Husband

I am disappointed and upset.  I will likely start crying.

He may not even notice the missing ring.

I could replace the ring with a similar looking gold band.

My husband would say the right things to make me feel better.  He always does. 

He has been my best friend for over forty-one years.  I have always been able to count on him.

 

Lightning Lake, Manning Park, B.C.
Top of the World Drive, Yukon, 2011

Thursday Morning

I phone the Spa and Discovery Coffee again.

       A last-ditch effort to find the ring.

Nothing was turned in at the Spa.

A friendly voice answers at Discovery Coffee.  “Yes, they have found the ring!”  

Happy tears.

 

Am I Using Up My Good Luck Quota?

I often think of luck as a finite amount of good in my life.

I am allocated a limited quantity of good luck in my lifetime.  I do not want to waste it. 

I recently wrote about finding the Ruby Red Slippers  link here   Now my ring shows up.  These are two small examples of something good going my way.

                   What are the chances? 

I would rather save the good luck for the most important parts of my life, the people in my life.  My loved ones. 

I realize life doesn’t work this way.

We play the cards we are dealt, good and bad.

I am grateful for the hand I have been dealt for most of my life.

Jokulsarlon Glacier, Iceland

Do I Tell My husband? 

Lying is not a good thing.  

Yet, we are also not perfect.  I am sure the both of us have kept silent at times or told white lies to spare feelings. 

We believe in communication in our marriage.  Even on difficult subjects. 

After all these years, I could not hide anything from my husband.  We know each other too well.

Communication is often non-verbal.  

Aukland Zoo, New Zealand

Lost Or Found

I was not aware how much this ring meant to me, until I lost it.

         A good reminder for a great deal in life.

I also do not need an object to remind me of our respect and love for each other.  For us, love is a verb.  We show up for each other every day.

I was planning to tell my husband about the ring, lost or found.

When he opens his inbox today and reads this story. 

                      Happy Anniversary, Sweetheart.

Thank you for the forty-one years we have shared together.  I look forward to many more.

 

 

Aukland Zoo, New Zealand
Aukland Zoo, New Zealand

 

November 24, 1978

 

Have you ever lost a special item?  Are there times when not telling the truth is a good thing?

 

Postscript:   Last night I read a beautiful true story, on Jill Weatherholt’s blog about   A 94-year-old couple who had been married for 75 years.      Jill added this quote from Richard Bach. “True love stories never have endings.”

A few hours later I read Pamela Wight’s beautiful, poignant story on her blog, Roughwighting.  The  Once to Now  feels like a brief moment in time.  Where did the time go?

 

Related Links:

Sliding Doors. Do You Ever Wonder How Your Life Would Be Different Now If You Had Taken The Other Door.

40th Anniversary, You Know He Is A Keeper

Do You Believe A Person’s Energy Can Be Attached To An Object?

Where Are The Ruby Red Slippers?

 

Published

105 thoughts on “I Was Tempted To Lie To My Husband”

    1. Thank you, Barbara. Initially the story was formulating in my mind with an unhappy ending. Of course, I would try to put a positive spin on it. Then on Thursday it became a happy ending. It did make me think and reflect on a great deal in my life and marriage.🙂

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  2. You had me holding my breath the entire time I read this post, Erika. I’ve misplaced a special item like a wedding ring more than once. And that horrible sinking feeling. You describe it well here. I’ve also “lost” credit cards/wallets/a special book, etc. And they’ve all been recovered, through pure luck? Or through my desperate calls to the Universe? About three years ago I lost the little diamond ball on the silver necklace that my mom gave me years earlier. Tiny diamond/BIG memory and emotions around the gift. I spent hours looking everywhere for it. I finally stopped. Took in a deep breath, and asked out loud: “please show me where it is.” And for some reason, I then looked down, in the pocket of the blouse I was wearing. Yup. The tiny diamond ball was lodged in the bottom corner of the pocket.
    So. Lost things found. I think some things are never lost. We just need to keep our eyes open. Like for Love.

    Oh, and thanks for including my love story link here. My post and yours and Jill’s – all tell a similar tale, don’t they? ❤ Happy Anniversary.

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    1. Pamela, did you write a story about the little diamond ball? Like you said, BIG memory and emotions. I like how you say “some things are never lost.”

      I did wonder about the Universe this past week, Pamela. Are we attracting certain stories? Are we on a similar wavelength? I kept thinking about Phil Collin’s song “In the air tonight” yet when I looked it up, it was not an appropriate reference. His song is actually about divorce.

      Your story was exceptionally beautiful, Pamela. ‘A tale as old as time.’💕

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  3. I have withheld information to spare pain for a short time but ultimately it has to come out. I would also have waited until I exhausted every avenue to find it. Once found, it would be a “funny” story rather than sad. I doubt that my husband would react negatively but would give comfort. At our stage we recognize that the important things in life can’t be lost.

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    1. You are right, Kate. Things eventually do come out. Especially in a long term relationship. Although, the truth seems to reveal itself in most/all circumstances. I extra love your phrase “the important things in life can’t be lost.” Thank you for sharing your wisdom, Kate.

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  4. I’m so glad it was found. I’m sure your husband would have understood & been there for support through your feelings. You have found your soulmate & trust & truths come with that territory. I accidently dropped my wedding rings in the sink & they went down the drain. This was 1987, I think. I was so upset & had to tell my husband. We were at his aunt & uncle’s for Thanksgiving. He blew up at me for being so stupid and now he had to tell his uncle. His uncle was the kindest man. He asked me if I had run the water afterwards to which I said no. He went and got his tools. Took the pipe apart, retrieved my rings and gave me a smile with a hug. My jackass husband was frustrated with me the rest of the trip and for the next 16 1/2 years as we had already been married 2 years at that time. I divorced him and I should have known at that time, it wasn’t right, but I hung in there for my kid’s sake. I did find my soul mate after that long relationship ended to which my hubby & I have been together the past 15 years & married almost 3. If I ever lost my wedding rings, he would console me & be more understanding. Then he would say something like, “I could get mad & yell, if that would make you feel better” with a wink. He is always the sarcastic comic when things don’t always go right. Thank you for sharing & helping me remember the bad and the good in my life. Happy Anniversary!!!

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    1. Oh my goodness, Lisa. This is quite the story. I am sorry you went through the stress and challenges of those years. You definitely have found your soul mate. You and your husband are together 24/7 on amazing adventures. I like how you brought up the words “trust & truths.” Trust is essential in all good relationships, especially in a marriage. Thank you for the Anniversary wishes. I am a lucky woman 🙂

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    1. I know what you mean Dee, on not being able to wear certain rings. For me, I have Dupuytren’s in my knuckles, fingers, hands. I wear my engagement ring on a chain around my neck. I can still get my wedding ring on, except when my fingers swell. Thank you for your supportive comment.🙂

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  6. I’m so glad you found your ring. Because of my lifestyle, I quite often don’t wear any rings which includes my wedding ring. I would be heartbroken if I lost that ring. Congratulations!

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    1. Hi Ingrid, I was not aware how heartbroken I would feel until I lost the ring. I love how the comments reinforce “important things in life can’t be lost.” I would likely have tried to put a positive spin on the story if I had not found the ring. Deep in my heart, it would have still bothered me. Thank you for the good wishes🙂

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  7. It’s never about the cost of the item lost, it’s the meaning it holds. I’m so happy you found your ring, Erica. What a wonderful post and a great way to tell your husband…I love it! Thank you so much for mentioning my post along with our friend Pam. Who says it has to be Valentine’s Day for love to be in the air! ❤

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    1. I like how you say love is in the air, Jill. My husband is not awake although I hear him rustling. I am curious as to how he will respond, reading this post. If I had not found the ring, I would have told him in person, tears and all.

      Losing the ring did help me reflect on all that is important in my life and marriage. I don’t know whether it bothered me more because it was right before our Anniversary. A story either way.

      The story you shared, Jill, was exceptionally poignant, happy and sad. It is Valentine’s Day every day around here, Jill❤️

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        1. He did leave me a nice comment. In it I find out he lost the ruby out of his wedding band. (My birthstone). I did not know about this, until now. He may have thought he had already told me. Wear and tear. Lol. I think the birds are whiskey jacks in two totally separate areas of Canada. He seems to attract birds. I greatly appreciate your kind comment, Jill.💕

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  8. Oh, I know how you felt. Quite a few years ago I lost my wedding band. I knew I should have taken it to a jeweler to be resized as it had become too big for my finger, but I didn’t and one day it was gone; it had silently slipped off my finger. I was heartsick. He-Man was disappointed but was hopeful it might turn up. I searched everywhere!

    Months and months turned into a year it was missing and I wanted a ring so I bought a simple band to replace it. Having given up all hope of ever finding my ring.
    Many months passed and one day while sorting through clothes that I had piled up on a side chair in my room out plopped my ring!! It lives in my safe now since I still haven’t taken it to be resized.

    I also know elated you are to have your gold band back! Happy Anniversary to you both!! I wish you many more years of friendship and love. Xx

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    1. Heartsick describes it well, Deborah. I was not aware I would feel this way until I lost the ring. I had it all these years, and why now? I started to overthink the symbolism and imagine a possible significance. Very interesting how your ring showed up again. Likely, a sigh of relief, even though you keep it safely tucked away. I greatly appreciate your well wishes and kind words. xx

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  9. Oh my gosh Erica I love this story!!! Maybe my favourite one you’ve written! You two have such an amazing relationship, alway inspiring! And the end, so cute, lol!! Happy Anniversary ❤️

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    1. Thank you for your very kind, supportive words, Brooke. You and Brad will be catching up to us. ❤️ Anniversaries always make me feel a little more emotional. I feel very grateful. If I did not find the ring, I would have told Chuck in person. Tears and all. Lol. ❤️

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  10. What a great story! You made an adventure out of it — obviously for you it actually was one. Love all of the pics of the two of you. Our anniversary is in two weeks also, so we must be close to the same date in early December. Congrats on getting it back; I can’t imagine the stress you put yourself under until that fateful call.

    We were recently talking about replacing my wedding band because it lost a tiny diamond over the last year. But I like how you talk about how rings wear naturally, and that’s how I think I prefer to keep it.

    Great story, Erica. – Marty

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    1. Hi Marty, The adventure happened two weeks ago, and our Anniversary is actually today. I have to keep spontaneity and surprises in our marriage after all this time. I am running out of gift ideas, so he ends up getting a story. If I did not find the ring, I would have told him in person, including the tears.🙂

      I agree with you on keeping the original wedding band. Symbolic and sentimental. I greatly appreciate your kind, supportive comment. Early Happy Anniversary wishes to you and Gorgeous.🙂

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  12. It is appropriate that someone at “discovery” coffee found it.
    The honesty of that person is very much appreciated.

    A simple band of gold; a symbol of everlasting love.
    Still, a ring is a thing but just a thing.
    Like the ruby that fell out of my wedding band when I was gardening, things can be replaced.

    You often say you don’t want things, you want experiences.
    There’s no guarantee that all experiences will be good.
    I am happy that this experience turned out well.

    I am also glad that “finder keepers losers weepers” did not apply.
    I know you would have been devastated.
    Like you say, you don’t go looking for stories they just come to you.

    I am grateful we get to share another anniversary: 41 but who’s counting.
    Just an ordinary day topped of with champagne, a fondu and cuddles with Lucifer.

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    1. Thank you for your lovely note, as always. You are the best! By the way, I don’t think I knew about the missing ruby in your ring? You may have thought you already told me about this? Yes, wear and tear. Lol.🙂 Looking forward to many more dates with you.❤️

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  13. I lost my ring once – well, not lost, I knew exactly where it was. I had lost weight after we married and the ring became loose so I fidgeted with it. One day, I fidgeted it right off and down the side of my mother-in-law’s sofa. It wasn’t the sort with removable cushions so the only way we could have found it was to cut a hole in the base lining, but even though this would not have been visible she wouldn’t let us do it. After she died, it was quickly and easily retrieved. We bought a replacement so now I have two rings, one for each hand!

    Happy anniversary. I’m sure your husband would have been understanding had your ring not turned up.

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    1. Oh my gosh, Anabel. That is quite the story about your ring (s). Possibly, all is well that ends well, even if it may take a few years. I know my husband would have been understanding, yet, I would still have been a blubbering mess. I greatly appreciate your well wishes.

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    1. Hi Natalie, I know my husband would have been understanding. I would have difficulty telling him without crying. I was not aware how much losing the ring would bother me, until I lost it. I am thankful for the happy ending. I greatly appreciate your well wishes!

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  15. So glad you had a happy wedding ring ending. Mine was not so lucky. It was the engagement ring that didnt make it but that is another story. I have not been able to wear my band since chemotherapy and weight. My husband had to abandon a wedding band in the early months of marriage. He was a new employee at a chemical plant, no ties, necklaces or rings allowed. Out wedding bands now happily live in box together while we have been married for 40 years.

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    1. Hi Antoinette, The rings may have sentimental value, although, they are still things. You made me smile on how your wedding bands live together in a box. 🙂Congratulations to you and your husband! Wow, 40 years! Anniversaries and birthdays always put me in a reflective mode. I greatly appreciate you sharing your thoughts and your kind comment.

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  16. Hi, Erica – Once again, your post is filled with great reflection and very wise words.
    Years and years ago, when we were still living in Beijing, Richard lost not one — but two wedding bands. Recently, the third ring was so tight it had to be cut off. The jeweller sized up my ring and let us know how much it would cost for a similar replacement in Richard’s size. The price of simple gold bands has definitely gone up!
    We thought we would wait until some of the swelling in Richard’s fingers went down.
    Shortly thereafter, I saw someone in an advertisement wearing multiple simple rings. It looked kinda cool. I went into my jewellery box to take out another ring or two that I had not touched for years. In the box, I spied a ring that looked suspiciously like my wedding band — only larger.
    You guessed it. Richard’s original wedding band was in my jewellery case. How it got there, or how long it has been there, we may never know.
    So glad that your ring was found.

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    1. Oh my gosh, this is quite the story, Donna. You have moved a few times and travelled over the years. At least the ring moved along with you. A puzzle on how the ring ended up in your jewellery case?

      Thank you for your kind, supportive words. As with many things, there is always a little more wisdom in hindsight. Losing the ring bothered me more than I would have thought it should. I started to overthink things, such as why lose it now, after all these years? Thankful for a happy ending. I greatly appreciate you sharing your story. xx

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    1. Hi Deb, I did not realize losing the ring would bother me this much. Grateful for a happy ending. Thank you for your well wishes. I look forward to hearing more about your count down. Not much longer for you and then it is all chums, music and booze💕

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  18. I’m so glad you found your ring Erica. I understand that it is a material object that can be replaced, but I also understand the sentimental value it encompasses. I took my ring off at the beach once while I was putting sunscreen on. Then I shook out my beach towel and was horrified to see my ring flying through the air, then burying itself in the sand. Luckily, I saw where it landed and was able to dig it up, but I felt sick to my stomach just thinking about what could have happened if I hadn’t spotted it when I shook out that towel. I just shivered at the memory. Happy anniversary!

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    1. I am glad you kept an eye on where your ring went flying, Christie. There is a lot of sentimental value attached to some objects. I greatly appreciate your kind comment and your well wishes. I look forward to reading and hearing more of your healthy gems on your blog.🙂

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  19. Dear E/E,

    This was poignant and so very human. The story had a happy ending and possibly provides some hard lessons, that I myself have had to learn…. because I’ve lost some precious sentimental jewelry by taking it off, putting it on, taking it off, putting it on…. forgetting where I put it. Shall I reveal I lost my wedding day pearl studs and the amethyst stud earrings my husband gave me on our first anniversary. Oy vey! Of course I was bereft but have had to let it go. Not sure if my hubby knows 😫

    I hoped your husband enjoyed this beautiful writing and sharing and gave you a big bear hug!

    Love
    Susan Grace

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    1. I did think about you, Susan, when I started to write a story in my head. You and I have discussed how our stories come to us, we don’t go looking for them. I think my husband commented on this point (he does listen to me, sometimes, lol). I find I was more verklempt about losing the wedding ring than I would have expected. I had pretty well accepted how I would be telling my husband and likely getting very emotional. I have lost earrings, especially coming home wearing only one earring. I think earrings are easier to lose. Thank you for your kind, lovely, supportive comment, Susan. 💕 I enjoy seeing your Instagram photos and adventures. You were hiking in beautiful part of our world. Always nice to connect with you! xo 💖

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  20. My heart was in my mouth as I read this. While I rarely wear my engagement ring – my fingers swell too much in the heat – I never take my wedding ring off, yet still feel for it often during the day. So glad you found it. As you say, it might just be an object, but it’s an object full of meaning and a symbol of your commitment. Happy anniversary, by the way…

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    1. I can no longer wear my engagement ring, so I sometimes wear it on a chain around my neck. Interesting how you feel for your wedding ring throughout the day. My wedding ring does have sentimental value, more than I realized. I do feel lucky to be celebrating another Anniversary. We are planning a fondue and champagne tonight, just the two of us. I only mention the food part to you, Joanne:) Thank you for the well wishes!

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    1. I was a little teary (happy tears) when my ring showed up, on many levels. As my husband pointed out, it is wonderful someone turned it in. Thank you for the well wishes, Sheryl. We celebrated with a fondue last night. A treat, also from long ago🙂

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  22. Hi Erica! I’m just reading this now…a few days late…but I’m VERY happy to learn that your story has a happy ending. And HAPPY ANNIVERSARY. And sometimes just the experience you went through is exactly what we need to vividly remember what is important huh? So much the better when it comes out well. I also appreciate that tension of telling or not telling our beloved. But as you say, how could you not? Those of us who are as connected to our partners as we are, make it impossible NOT to be honest when the time comes. May your days together continue to grow, deepen and sweeten as the years go by. ~Kathy

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    1. Hi Kathy, You are right. Losing the ring bothered me more than I would have expected. I would have told Chuck in person if I had not found the ring, tears and all. You know first hand how communication, trust and honesty is part of a long term, good relationship. I am very touched by your kind, sweet words, Kathy. Thank you for the well wishes.🙂

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  23. Hi Erica. So glad you got your ring back and congrats on the anniversary. My rings were mutilated (not quite sure how as they were on my hand the whole time and nothing was wrong with my hand) and when I was going to have them reshaped I mentioned to my husband that perhaps we could take the stones out and put them in a different setting. At that time we had been married 30 years. He was upset that I would consider such a thing. His reaction was interesting to me. Of course I didn’t have it done and the rings were put back to normal. Since I’ve lost so much weight, though, I did have a momentary experience of dread when I was vigorously waving to a friend at a baseball game earlier this year and my rings flew off my finger since they are too big. Fortunately they landed in the lap of the guy sitting behind us and while at first he jokingly said he was going to keep them, I told them I’d been wearing them for 35 years and he gave them back with props for that accomplishment. I am going to have the rings resized (I’ve been wearing them with tape around them) even though I still want to lose some more. If they had flown in another direction and been lost for good I’d have been devastated.

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    1. Hi Janet, Interesting about your rings. You are very creative and use your hands a great deal. The rings may have changed shape with repetitive motion? It is also sweet how sentimental your husband is about your rings. You are doing amazing on your health journey and your rings have been on this evolution with you. Glad you did not lose them!

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  24. Another beautiful story this week, Erica. I read the ones from Jill and Pam as well. Love is in the air. It’s so fortunate and amazing what you share with your husband. I can read happiness between the lines and directly in this story. And, the only reason you didn’t tell him (yet) was in case the ring would show up soon. Happy anniversary!

    The thing that I lost and that devastated me most was my only camera during our eight year sailing trip. I’d just filmed howler monkeys in the jungle and the camera fell out of my shorts pocket when stepping out of our dinghy on the banks of the murky Chagres river in Panama. Camera gone. Deep into the river. Footage gone. I don’t remember what I regretted most… But, it was a replaceable, yet expensive item.

    I also remember the devastating feeling when I once left my purse in a restaurant. I realized it a few minutes later and ran back as fast as I could. Luckily, the wait staff had found it and put it aside. It had everything in it: my wallet, prescription glasses, and my (new) camera!

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    1. You say it well, Liesbet, “love is in the air.” I am very touched by your kind comment. I do feel fortunate, especially as the years fly by. I remember our 25th Anniversary and all of a sudden it is our 41st. Time is always precious, especially when we know the years ahead are less than the years behind.

      Oh my goodness, on losing the camera and the special footage. Darn. It does happen and I found it an almost visceral reaction in the pit of my stomach. You remind me of a saying my husband and daughter uses, “taking a mental pic.” I still like the actual photos. I look forward to reading your adventures, Liesbet🙂

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  25. Aw – a lovely story with another happy ending! I love how you told him by waiting for him to read it on your blog. I do the same thing, and I can tell if he ‘lies’ by saying, “yeah I read it, I might’ve missed that part.” This week I did lose something special (my mom’s handwritten recipe for cooking Thanksgiving meal) and I’m still not over it, but it was just paper. The memories are there and I’ll always remember it. Happy Thanksgiving, Happy Anniversary, and Happy telling the truth in creative ways to you!!

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    1. Oh no, Shelley, about your Mom’s handwritten recipe. It is interesting how you say it was just paper, yet, our body’s visceral reaction speaks differently. I wonder whether it will still turn up? Thank you for the well wishes. Happy Thanksgiving, Happy Birthday, Happy Everything to you and yours, Shelley!💕

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      1. Yeah, I’m still sad about it. Of all the recipes she had, that one meant the most. I specifically asked her to write it so I could recreate her Thanksgiving on my own. I think it got tossed away, but maybe it’ll show up again some day?
        Happy holidays to you and yours too!

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  26. What a great story and with a happy ending too Erica!! I’m so glad you found the ring and your ending was perfect, waiting for him to read about it on your blog – I’d do the same thing! I once lost my engagement ring and went through similar feelings and found it caught in the washer in the shower! Fabulous post and happy anniversary to you both, We are celebrating 40 years in January 🙂 #mlstl

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    1. This would have been a story, either way, although I much prefer a happy ending. I am glad your ring showed up again. My mind started to go in the direction of whether this was a bad sign, yet I know it is only a material object. Your family is always in my thoughts and I appreciate your updates and photos. Early congratulations on your 40th Anniversary! 🙂

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      1. I know what you mean about taking things as a sign, isn’t it funny how we do that to ourselves?? I truly appreciate you thinking of our family Erica, you are so sweet. Thanks for the early congrats, no doubt I’ll write a post about it! We’ll still be away so we’re wondering what we might do, or plan to go somewhere before we go home.

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  27. It’s not the ring that’s important. It’s the promise. I’ve lost my engagement ring – it’s a pearl so I stopped wearing it when the kids came along and I had to wash my hands a sqillion times a day. I hid it this year from some tradesmen fixing the cupboard where it lives. So either they saw and stole it, but more likely my ‘better hiding place’ is where it’s lurking. Over xmas holidays I’ll pull the place apart to find it. My husband just said “I’ll get you a better one!” (as one of the reasons it was a pearl was because I thought the money on diamonds was idiotic, and the pearl was an antique dress ring and just beautiful!). I don’t want another one.And I def don’t want a ‘better’ one. So fingers crossed it turns up!!! #MLSTL

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    1. Oh my goodness about your ring. I, too, have a ‘better hiding place’ where I end up losing things. This happens with Christmas and Birthday gifts I buy beforehand and hide. I understand about not wanting another ring. It wouldn’t be the same. Like you say, Lydia, it is the promise behind the ring that is truly important. Thank you for stopping by and sharing your thoughts:) Erica

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  28. Happy Anniversary, Erica!!!!

    I’m so happy that your ring was found. Hooray for happy endings!

    I once had a prong break on my engagement ring and the diamond went flying in the Toys ‘R Us. I’m pretty good at following trajectories but was trying to figure out when I should ask employees to start hunting with me. It’s not a big diamond, but it’s still a diamond, so I was pleased when I found it. I had it repaired. The next time a prong broke, I had the setting changed to 6 prongs instead of 4 and lowered the mount. I’ve had that setting repaired once since moving here and it’s now broken again. That’s the hazards of being a leftie, I guess. Probably not so bad for 21 years of wearing it. lol.

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    1. Thank you for your well wishes, Amy! It all does go by very fast. Funny and not funny about your diamond. Glad you found it. I didn’t think much about prongs. My wedding ring is a simple, gold band. My engagement ring has a diamond. I often wear the engagement ring around my neck on a chain since too tight for my finger. I used to have it cleaned and checked every couple of years. You remind me I should have the prongs checked again. Thank you for sharing your story, Amy. Toys ‘R Us, of all places! Lol

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  29. I’m so glad you found it again Erica – and that in the process you came to value it even more for the symbol of love that it is. I was very attached to my wedding ring and didn’t take it off for the first 20 yrs of marriage – even wore it when I had both my babies. But then our anniversary came along and for some reason I just felt like a change, so off it came and we bought a new one and I’m just as happy with it as I was with the old one.
    Happy anniversary – isn’t it lovely to still be with the same person and still in love after four decades? x
    Thanks for linking up with us at MLSTL and I’ve shared on my SM 🙂

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    1. I did not give my wedding ring much thought until a couple of weeks ago. Interesting how life brings us lessons to our attention. You remind me Leanne, how the ring is still a replaceable, material object. The four decades part is a little scary. I have been lucky in life and love. Lol. Thank you for your well wishes and sharing your thoughts. Thank you also for your effort when organizing #MLSTL. A fun link!🙂

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  31. Hi Erica/Erika you must have felt sick to the stomach but what a lovely story about your relationship and also finding your ring – a symbol of you love. No, we don’t need material objects to love but it is a reminder isn’t it when we look at our wedding ring of the life experience we have shared with our husband. I’m so glad you found it and what a beautiful email. Many more years of happiness to you both. thank you for sharing at #MLSTL. xx

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    1. Thank you for your very kind words and well wishes, Sue. I think you and your husband have been together a long time, too. Life and our relationship becomes even more precious as the years go by. I realize our time ahead is less than the years behind us. Enjoy your weekend. xx

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  32. It’s interesting that we sometime realise the value of somerthing only when it’s been lost! Happy anniversary Erica – here’s to many more. I am curious about the Discovery coffee shop where they discovered, 2nd time around, your ring. What a relief – and it also shows that perseverance pays. Keep on looking, even if looking in the same place as before –

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    1. You are right, Susan. I had not given my ring much thought and I was surprised how much it bothered me when I lost it. The story from Discovery coffee is they sweep the area a few times a day. They ended up finding the ring underneath one of the chair legs. I had pretty well accepted that my ring was gone, although I had not told my husband, yet. My gut told me to phone the Spa and Discovery Coffee one last time. A few lessons on this one. I like your lesson, Susan, keep on looking, even if looking in the same place. Thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts.

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  33. Happy anniversary!

    I had to cut off my wedding band for an MRI that never happened during the darkest part of our marriage (and of my life). I decided to wait until I hit my weight goal to get it resized, and that will be happening soon! My finger feels naked without it!

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    1. Nice to meet you, Bethany. Oh my goodness on cutting off the wedding band. I am sorry you had a very dark period in your life. Major kudos to you almost reaching your weight goal. Always a challenge. The reward, a new ring! Besides feeling good. Thank you for reading and sharing your story:) Erica

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    1. Hi Theresa, You described my feelings perfectly! For the first couple of days, when I thought my ring was lost for good, I was trying to convince myself it’s just a material thing. My body was giving me different signals. Thank you for you kind, supportive comment. 🙂 Erica

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    1. Joanne, I also felt sick hearing your story. I haven’t been online because of out of town events until this morning. I don’t know whether anything has changed on your end. You and your husband looked great in the photos I saw last week, enjoying amazing Portugal! I quickly found out my wedding band is very symbolic to me💕

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      1. We arrived home last night – in a snowstorm. I swear, this trip has been been multi-layers of misadventure and I’m glad it’s over. This is one to put behind us.

        Nothing was recovered from my missing bag so now I’m in the unenviable position of having to decide what I might replace …. and when. I haven’t contacted our insurance company yet but I’m not getting my hopes up.

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  36. Erica, what a beautiful love letter … a most unexpected one to your husband and to us, the readers, worried for you, your lost ring, would it be found?! Phew, what a relief that the Discovery Cafe, discovered it, so to say! 😀 Yes, whilst it is just an object, certain things take on special meaning, through the years lived, the significance of them. That feeling of dread in the pit of the stomach is horrid… your diligence to try and find it paid off!

    Ahh … I hope you both had a magical Anniversary!! I love the photos of you both, the bond and love between you shines through. As you say the wear and tear on the ring mirrors that of a marriage, but whilst the ring is literally thinner, the marriage becomes stronger!

    I too read Jill’s and Pam’s post … touching posts in celebration of lives together. Richard Bach’s Illusions is one of my favourite books and each sentence filled with wisdom!

    Wishing you and your husband many more years of joy and excitement together … and please, hold tightly onto your ring! You don’t want to frighten yourself, your husband or us like that again! 😀❤️

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    1. Annika, I did not think of it as a Love Letter until you mentioned this. I initially thought it would be a story with lessons for me about losing a material object. I was lucky how three days later it had a happy ending, and still lessons for me. 🙂 The story from Discovery Coffee is how the ring was under one of the chair legs. When they picked up the chair to sweep under it, the ring was there. Annika, you also gave me goosebumps on your phrase “whilst the ring is literally thinner, the marriage becomes stronger!” Thank you for sharing your thoughts and your wisdom💕

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  37. Hi Erica,
    Somehow, even as I was reading this story, I KNEW that the ring would turn up. I guess I believe in happy endings. And your anniversary email surprise to your husband was soooo sweet.
    41 years is a long time to be with one person…clearly you found the right one.
    And lying by omission is still lying, I believe…but I also know that you would have honestly shared the loss of the ring even if it hadn’t reappeared.
    I’ve lost sentimental objects myself, so I can relate to that sick feeling in one’s stomach that goes with it.
    So glad for your own happy ending.

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    1. Hi Nancy, I was more emotional about losing this ring than I would have expected. It is funny how our body gives us signals even though I tried to rationalize it was just an object. I was going to send you an email, Nancy. I commented a few times on your “Walk On” post (2 times via Safari, and one time Firefox, over about a 1 1/2 week period. I keep a file of comments in my notes and then copy/paste to the blogging site). My comments do not appear on your site and a few others. Rare, although it does happen. Does this happen to you? This could be a temporary glitch on my WP site. The comments could be getting lost in cyberspace or some form of spam? I do read all of your posts, although often I don’t read immediately. I think most of us are like this. It is called real life. I look forward to continuing to connect. 🙂

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      1. And I read yours…even though life has delayed the responses. No worries about the comments gone to somewhere in cyberspace.
        We’ll continue to connect, of that I am sure!

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        1. Thanks, Nancy. I think it is a Safari issue versus Firefox. For some sites, it is best I use Firefox. Like you say, we will continue to connect. I hope you are enjoying the festive season. xx

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  38. I’m glad you found your ring, Erica. I lost my wedding ring once, many years ago, also a simple gold band. My husband had taken me out for a special Valentine’s dinner. I was pregnant with my second child, and my hands were swollen. While in the restaurant, I worked the band off my finger, and must have left it there on the table, maybe under a napkin. It was never found, but on my next birthday, my husband presented me with a new gold band.

    Jude

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    1. I likely would have put a positive spin on the story even if I had never found the ring. I am more surprised that it did show up. According to Discovery Coffee, it was under the chair leg. When the chair was pushed around, the ring was not evident. A few days later the chair was picked up and moved. The ring was under the chair leg. Thoughtful Rob! Presenting you with a new ring. One of the many reasons the two of you have been married all of these years.🙂

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    1. You are the first person who has mentioned this, Lisa. Temporarily losing the ring did end up being a blessing. My body reacted before my mind could fully process this loss. I likely would have tried to put a positive spin on either result. Thank you for sharing your wisdom, Lisa. And thank you for the well wishes.

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  40. My fingers swell and I am not in the mood to have anything cut off. I don’t blame you. I’d hate to have a finger cut off, too! I did have a wedding ring cut off once, but that was more a symbolic gesture accompanied by a huge sigh of relief.

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    1. Hi Mark, Nice to meet you. I stopped by your site and subscribed to your blog. Fun, interesting and great photos! There is a lot of symbolism behind a wedding ring. Some of it good and some not. It sounds like getting the ring cut off was a good thing. Thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts. Erica

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  41. Oh wow – 41 years is truly amazing and enjoyed the photos – and I can see why the ring meant even more – and I know what spa brain feels like. Lol that was nice that the coffee shop had honest folks who turned it in!
    And guess what- I lost my ring for an evening earlier this year. I was playing (fiddling) with my rings and we were coming back from somewhere – tired and all that – stopped for a restroom break and I ran in real quick –
    Hubs insisted it was in the car and said he would help me scout that – and my bag – in the morning
    I was worried I dropped it going into the store –
    Anyhow – we found it – in my bag! Whew
    But the short time I had to ponder replacing it (it was my second wedding band – we married in 96 and upgraded the rings in 99 and they are perfect still) well I realized it was the memories with it – and replaceable of course –
    But would not be the same if so. And so I am way more careful with it with a certain reverence now

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    1. Thank you Yvette, for your very kind comment. The story the coffee shop gave me is they sweep the place a few times a day, just moving the furniture around. One of these times they picked up a chair and the ring was under the chair’s leg. I do appreciate the honest folks. I had not given my ring much thought all of these years until I lost it. I like your word “reverence.” I am also significantly more careful with it. You have also been married a long time, Yvette. The 25years to 40years goes by in a flash. Too fast. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and your story.💕

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  42. Hi Erica, I am very late to the party and don’t know how I missed this post. Anyway, I’m glad your ring was found and all is well. I have never lied to Malcolm, but I did conceal the truth when my daughter and I went sky diving a few years ago. When we got home I showed him the video of us tumbling out of an airplane. He was shocked, but relieved that we had not told him our plans in advance.

    I assume you have maintained a bit of ‘radio silence’ during the holidays since you have not been posting. I do hope all is well and that your Christmas was whatever you wished it to be. Wishing you the very best for the New Year.

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    1. Thank you Suzanne for sending me an exceptionally, kind, thoughtful note. Yes, “radio silence.” An unexpected, sad, family challenge at this time. Unfortunately, part of life.

      You made me smile with your story about concealing the truth from Malcolm. Like you said, it was best he didn’t know at the time and you and your daughter had made up your minds to do it. I like your word “tumbling.” Very visual. 🙂 Making a memory and a good story.

      Happy New Year to you and yours, Suzanne! I look forward to sharing and connecting in 2020.

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  43. What a wonderful anniversary story. I was reading it hoping that your ring would turn up somehow somewhere, and then it did. SO happy for you. A ring, a wedding ring has so much emotional value attached to it.

    We are currently in Japan and a few days ago I dropped my dads beautiful felt hat that I inherited after his recent death. It fell off my head while I was doing some yoga stretches at the bus stop, so I didn’t realize it was no longer on my head until we were at the next temple. Long story short, Ben assured me it would still be there where it fell off as in Japan, it is very rare for anyone to take anything that does not belong to them. Theft is unheard of. We took two buses to get back to the spot I lost it… One was the wrong bus, it took at least an hour to finally return. Just as Ben assured me, there was my dad’s hat, exactly where we were waiting for the bus, on a ledge waiting for me to come back and get it.

    Peta

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    1. Hi Peta, First of all, I am sorry to hear about your Dad’s recent death. His felt hat is especially significant, and wearing it keeps a part of him close to you. Interesting how an entire culture, Japan, has a reputation for honesty. Thank you for sharing the good in this world. Erica

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  44. I lost my wedding ring 8 years ago. I’m so glad you were able to find yours! What a sweet anniversary post. I can only imagine the emotions your husband was feeling as he read this! Then tension! Did he jump to the end to find out whether or not you’d found it? 🙂

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    1. My husband would likely have been happy to have a gift idea for me. Although, I always tell him how time with him is the best gift. Another ring would not have really replaced the original. I hope you ultimately had a happy ending to your ring story, Betsy. It is still only an object. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.🙂

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      1. My “happy ending” is wearing a cheap ring I found at a store instead. He has offered to buy me a new one, but it wouldn’t be the same. It’s just an object, a symbol, and the fake one serves its purpose. TBH, he’s more upset about it than I am. I lost it at home, though, so I figure we’ll find it the day we move out and everything has been emptied. I hope, anyway.

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  45. Pingback: Can You Still Have Romance After 42 Years of Marriage? – Behind the Scenery

  46. I am glad you found your ring. I lost mine once when one of my sons decided to see if it would fit in the keyhole and could not get it out. I managed in the end. Looking at your photo it seems you got married two days after me.

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